Blueprint for the Home, Pt 3 Communications

A lot of things influence the way we communicate – home, pop-culture, personality

Just by nature of our gender difference, we communicate differently

• Ø  Women use more words per day than men
  • ·         Women want rapport
  • ·         Men want reports
  • ·         Women share feelings
  • ·         Men solve problems

We speak the same language, yet we struggle to convey what we mean, want or need

            And we struggle to understand what we hear

Communication:  How well you send and receive messages 

Take responsibility for what you say – we disregard the power of words

 Our tongues get us into a world of trouble

James 3:5-6.  Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.

Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire,

a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person,

sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. NIV

You can’t take words back

You speak out of the treasure in your heart – Matt 12:35

Words, mind & heart connected – so check your heart

Take responsibility for what you don’t say

Men – don’t expect her to “just know” that you love her or that you think she’s beautiful

Women (intuitive) – don’t expect a man to read your mind – hinting, pouting, sighing

            “What’s wrong?”          Nothing

• ·         God knows what you want, yet He requires that you ask Him in prayer believing

      Expect certain conversations to be unpleasant, confrontation and criticism,

• o   No solution to the problem, so avoids talking

No such thing as a lack of communication – just a lack of talking

• Ø  We communicate – send messages – by our silence

We also communicate with “Body Language”

More than half of what we say is non-verbal – 58% to 93%

tone of voice, facial expressions, eye movement, body movement, and posture, hand gestures

Body language usually prevails over words. 

We were trained to respond to “the look”

 “I had to hit him.  He was messin’ with me!”

What did he say?

“Nothin’!  He was lookin’ at me!”

Work hard to understand what you hear – that’s not what I said

• ·         Don’t add (maximize) or take away (minimize)
• ·         The serpent told Eve that’s not God really meant – Gen 3:3-5

Pay attention, take seriously, believe

Prov 4:7.  Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom.

     And in all your getting, get understanding.  NKJV

Shut up (stop interrupting) and listen

Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” – understand

Control your reactions so that they’re constructive – not destructive

James 1:19-20

19 Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  NIV

Gal 5:15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.  NIV

Don’t Question Character:  “Don’t you care that we are perishing?”

Eph 4:29-32

29 Do not let any unwholesome (corrupt to rot, rotten) talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, arguing, quarreling and abusive language (false accusations against character), along with every form of malice (desire to cause pain). 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  NIV

Lazarus rule:  After four days, it’s stinking

Ministry of the toilet

Women don’t want solutions.  They want to dump

            When they are finished, they feel better,

But men are left with the stuff

• ·         Men must learn to flush

Toilets will smell, stain, back up

• ·         Women must learn to clean the toilet bowl

Communicating will always be a struggle

Challenge you to use God’s blueprint and play by His rules

If you want your relationship to be better, start by changing yourself

Born Again by the Word

Ps 19:14.  Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.